Thursday, 14 July 2011

Bella and the Snake

Bellatrix: Ah, this painting will be perfect for the Dark Lord. He will hang it in His room and I shall be forever his most loyal and devoted servant!

Voldemort: Bellatrix! What are you doing with that Muggle instrument in your hands when Harry Potter remains uncaptured?! We have work to do! I do not have time for your silly games.

Bellatrix: My lord, you have returned! I am painting a portrait of your sheer magnificence for you to hang in your quarters!

Voldemort: Really? No one has ever painted me before.

Bellatrix: Surely it is because no one has ever been as close to you as me! Only I know you intimately enough to be able to copy your image on parchment.

Voldemort: Bellatrix, we have been over this. I am too busy destroying Harry Potter to deal with your pathetic attempts to seduce me. Perhaps when Harry Potter has been vanquished, I will give our love a chance.

Bellatrix: But my lord! That could take ages! You are no closer to destroying Harry Potter, we might as well begin our relationship now! 

Voldemort: Silence! Rest assured that I will kill Harry Potter very, very soon. There are no more people for him to behind and anyone that tries to shield him from his fate will be cut down by my wand.

Bellatrix: Of course, my lord, of course. It was foolish of me to suggest that you would not kill Harry Potter the moment he stepped in your line of vision. You are the most powerful wizard in the world and he is a scrawny teenager with no real intelligence.

Voldemort: Thank you, Bellatrix. It is good to see that you have regained your common sense. I was worried that you were an Order of the Phoenix member using the Polyjuice potion but obviously I was mistaken.

Bellatrix: I assure you that I am the true Bellatrix! To prove my identity, I will reveal the secret only I know. My lord, it is true that you have an interest in tap dancing and that you even -  

Voldemort: That is quite enough, Bellatrix! I said that I believe you to be a true death eater and I stand by that. There is no need to bring up my past... interests.

Bellatrix: Forgive me, my lord. If you will excuse me now, I must get back to my painting if I hope to have it ready for you by the time you kill Harry Potter.  

Voldemort: Yes, of course. I thank you for the level of devotion you are putting into this piece of artwork. If only my other death eaters put this much work in their search for Harry Potter and his supporters.

Bellatrix: (tears form in eyes) Thank you, my lord! My only desire in life is to serve you!

Voldemort: Yes, yes. Oh, Bella... may I see this painting?

Bellatrix: My lord, of course! It is for you! Everything I do is for you!

*Voldemort looks at painting and gasps in outrage*



Yes, that was completely ridiculous. It was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing and I just had to write it, haha.

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  1. <3<3<3<3<3. Funniest. Post. Ever. Those two are so crazy and out of it, they're perfect together! LOL at Bellatrix trying to "seduce" the Dark Lord :P. It's nice to know even Voldemort responds to flattery :D.

  2. I don't know why but I totally read this in Voldemort(from AVPM)'s voice. XD

  3. Oh, wow. I actually LOL'd when I read this! Haha xD

  4. LOL XD this is hilarious, love it!

  5. Oh man. I'll say it again (if I haven't said it before) Sonia, you are awesome. This is so funny! And it's kind of disturbingly hilarious to imagine a tap dancing Voldemort haha.

    It's bad enough he was thwarted by a one year old, but then the nose on top of that.... poor guy.

    I <3 this!!

  6. Liz: Well now you know how to properly seduce a dark lord. (Although, if that is an objective of yours, I'm mildly disturbed, just saying.)

    Mimz: LOL! I can see why you would do that - my version is more like AVPM Voldy then the real one.

    Renu: Mission accomplished then ;) Glad you enjoyed!

    April: Thaaaaank you!

    Brodie: I swear, I'm now going to have mental images of Voldemort in tap shoes for the rest of my life. Ooh, I should have done a tutu! Thanks!